Life On Earth
by Mymeoh
Summary: Dib makes a deal with Zim towards the end of the summer-"don't destroy the Earth and I'll help you fit in." Is this too much for Dib to handle? Drama and hilarity ensue as the boys progress through high school together while they each work to keep their promises. (Also available on AO3! Mature chapters will not be posted here.) DibXGretchen Eventual ZADR
1. Clearly Abandonment

(A/N: I have also posted this story to my AO3 account. You may also find it there.)

Zim could not have seemed more offended and defensive in Dib's eyes. One would think that the extraterrestrial could handle onesummer on his own.

"It's the summer before high school starts," Dib rolled his amber colored eyes behind his thick glasses. "Dad got me into this greatprogram, and I'm not going to miss out just because you want to shoot lasers at each other or try to blow up my head or whatever itis you plan to do!" He huffed and waved his arms for emphasis, wiggling his hands above his hands to prove to the alien howunreasonable he was being. This stupid game had been going on since the sixth grade, and Dib just wanted one fucking vacation forhimself; it was only three months, anyway!

Zim scowled, looking the worst he had in the three years the human he'd known him. His arms were crossed over his chest, his wigtwitched-presumably with every nervous tick of his antenna-and he kept clenching and popping his jaw. He glanced up, the angerand resentment burning firey in his eyes, even through his synthetic contacts. Dib was sure he'd never seen anyone look so angryand depressed and defeated all at once.

One of them was going to have to give on this...and it was not going to be Dib. No siree. Nope. "..." He sighed, "Look, Zim." He rolled his eyes again when the alien squinted, attempting to glare harder, "I can't have you trying to destroy the Earth while I'mgone." Dib could swear that the alien crossed his arms tighter, as if protecting himself. "Let's make a deal."

That got the Irken's attention. His eyes widened with curiosity and his posture relaxed some. He seemed to notice and quicklytightened his arms again. The corners of his mouth turned down in another attempt of a scowl, but it really made him look like hewas making a pug face.

Dib had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. "You keep under wraps for a few months- No lasers, No baby-deathcradles, and **NO** scheming to destroy the earth."

Zim's posture changed and he looked at Dib flatly, now settling his elbow into his hand and waving his arm around, fingers flexing,"And what, Hyooman, will Zim be receiving from this deal."

He was sure he'd regret this, but... "I'll help you fit in-with the human part at least," Dib scratched the back of his head a little at thatlast part. He could make Zim seem human...maybe...but he was pretty sure he could never find a way to fit in, especially in highschool.

Zim nodded slightly then frowned. Earth was increasingly becoming more and more aware of alien life forms. Though it seemedmany were accepted...Irken soldiers were not treated kindly in most galaxies. He was not looking forward to being discovered andfinding himself executed. "...Yes."

"Yes?" Dib looked at him in confusion. He'd expected more of a fight.

"That was the answer you were looking for, yes?" His gloved hand flicked at an invisible speck of dirt as he looked away from theEarthling.

"...Okay...Yea. Yea, I was. I just...didn't expect that to be so easy." Dib took another moment and absorbed the moment. Anagreeable Zim. That didn't sit well with him, but oh well. He still had to go home and pack. "Maybe take some time and work on theskin issue? That should keep you busy this summer."

"Skin issue?" Zim hissed, narrowing his eyes in offense.

Dib sighed again. That was far more like the alien he knew. "Zim. I'm trying to help you here. Come on, it's part of the deal. No onehere has green skin. Look at mine." He held up his hand, pale as snow-give or take a few freckles. "Humans have more, well, earthyskin tones. We range from peachy to sort of yellow to brown even. Just...do some research and make it convincing. Don't just paintit on...make it good. Unless, of course, you can't."

A dangerous light flickered through Zim's eyes and he flinched as if struck. Another odd reaction that Dib wanted to comment on butwas cut short when the alien spoke. "Fine. Zim will make a convincing earth skin and it will fool even the best...but what will be saidwhen former schoolmates inquire on the change."

He shrugged a little then grinned, "High schoolers are pretty stupid. Make something up. Say you had a med change or you went tothe beach or something... use your imagination." Dib looked at his watch and grimaced. He really needed to pack. On that note heturned away, hurrying towards his house without another word.

"...Irkens do not possess imaginations, Dib-Worm," Zim murmured to the vacant space that the human had occupied momentsbefore. He turned away and strolled to his base. A small smirk played on his lips. Imagination, huh?


	2. AH! BUTTS

Zim threw himself straight into work. He set his computer up as a failsafe-just in case- as he removed his pak. He had several human pallets open on his screens in front of him, and he smirked. Dib would never know what hit him. He worked for a week straight, ignoring the pesterings and gigglings of GIR as he buried himself into the project.

After days without breaks or many snacks, Zim replaced his pak on his body and stood in front of a mirror. He stretched and smirked so wide it was a devious little grin. "Human Skin, activate." He spread his short arms wide and stood proudly, waiting for the second skin to envelop his body. When he perfected the tool, he'd create a silent, mental command. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply as warmth started covering his green flesh. His antennae twitched with a foreign scent, irritatingly falling forward to escape the olfactory overload. That was getting a bit _too_ warm. Okay, that was bordering-

"OW!" He shrieked and opened his eyes. His pak was sparking and starting to smoke as the tanned "skin" started melting, only partially around his face and arms. "OW, OW, STOP NO!" Zim screeched again and ripped off his pak, grunting loudly as the computer slammed a life support cable into his back. "No-AH! BUTTS!" Swearing wasn't quite his forte, but he'd get it at some point. Butts was pretty close...and it was probably the foulest thing he'd ever screamed in the English language. It was pretty foul in his mind that his Pak was now laying on the floor covered in a mess of skins and goo and char.

He tugged his antennae and started shouting again, this time in Irken. Angry clicks and bug-like buzzes filled his lab as he thrashed about, absolutely livid. "STUPID SKIN! STUPID EARTH! STUPID STUPID STUPID DIB AND HIS STUPID SPOOTY DEAL!" Zim screamed and kicked the useless pak. How was he supposed to leave his base, _NOW_?

In a fit of rage he grabbed a sheet of paper and slammed it on the desk. He poured all of his anger onto the sheet, a pen firmly rooted in his hand. He took a moment and looked at the design only to snarl and rip it into pieces. "Blasted things!" Zim glowered at the pak one last time and grunted again as the life support twitched against his back. He really needed a stretch and wasn't about to get one. That pissed him off further. Using his adrenaline filled hatred as a fuel, he got to work on the most intricate design the Irken could have ever created.

Nearly the rest of the summer had passed and Zim stood back, admiring his work. Who said Irkens weren't creative?


	3. Bees?

Dib sighed to himself and stared at the sign on the sidewalk, a tired expression coating his every feature. The summer had really taken it out of him. The day after dealing with Zim, Dib was sent off to, as his father put it, "**REAL SCIENCE CAMP! Run by my company, son! You'll be doing your old man proud at the top of the charts there!**" How the Hell was Dib supposed to know it was practically a labor camp for geniuses. Sure, he didn't have to go hiking, or swimming, or really step outside; but wasn't that supposed to be part of _summer_? As soon as he had returned from the stupid camp, his father dragged him and Gaz on a "family vacation" that included Dib getting a wicked sunburn from not having seen sunlight in almost three months. He'd only been outside for twenty minutes. Jeez.

He groaned and adjusted his backpack on his itchy red shoulders and reached up, adjusting his ever growing hair scythe. It had finally gotten a kink in it, making it look like a little lightning bolt; at least one good thing had come from the summer. A small grin tugged on his lips as he saw the bus driving down the street. First day of high school. Sure, his peers were terrible, the food would probably be terrible, and, of course, Zim would be terrible-Dib's grin formed into a frown. What was the point he was trying to make?

Hanging his head, the young man stepped onto the bus, sitting in the closest empty seat next to a quiet hispanic boy, staring out the window. Dib shrugged his backpack to the floor and began to rummage through it, making sure he had everything he would need for the first day back. He'd already checked twice before leaving his house, but it was better safe than sorry. "Okay," he mumbled, "binders, papers, pencils, paranormal handbook, handcuffs, binding tape, ball gag..."

There was a small cough and he looked up. Gretchen, a violet haired girl with whom he'd attended school since elementary, and Iggins were staring at him with wide eyes. "...Handcuffs?" the girl raised her eyebrows high. "Aren't you getting a little carried away with freshman romances, Dib?"

"Maybe he's gonna use them on _you_, Gretchen," Iggins giggled and grabbed the girls arms, playfully holding them in front of her as if cuffing them himself. She shrieked and blushed, smacking her classmate with her purse.

"But out, Iggins! God!" She buried her face into her hands, now blushing down to her shoulders.

Iggins covered her ears and grinned when she squeaked as he winked at Dib. "I bet she'd like handcuffs."

The boy next to Dib chuckled and shook his head, annoying him almost as much as the two in front of him. He squinted and glanced around, people were starting to stare. "That's not what these are for, Iggins! They're for research and protecting mankind only!"

"Oh man, again with that?" he dropped his hands from Gretchen's ears and flopped back into his seat. "Come on. You've been going on about this stupid thing for years, and for what this time? No one's even seen Zim around! Relax."

Dib zipped up his backpack and sat up straight. No one had seen Zim? He glanced around. Wasn't he supposed to be on this bus? The alien had taken to riding it after the set of rainstorms they had in seventh grade... "...Really?" He asked, well after Iggins and Gretchen had turned their attentions to their schedules.

With the bus parked and emptied, Dib shouldered his backpack-with another twinge of sunburnt agone-and walked to his homeroom. He couldn't help but chuckle when he saw on each desk was a student's name written on an place card. He located his seat quickly and settled down, pulling out his schedule and a pen, almost immediately doodling as his mind drifted off. A yawn pulled his lips apart and he sunk onto his free hand, absently glancing around every few moments to see what students were filing in. The bell rang and a middle-aged, but pleasant, looking woman walked to the front of the class.

"Hello, everyone! Welcome to your freshman year!" She cooed and Dib yawned again, missing her name and all of her overly chipper little statements. He was sure they were generic and heart-warming and was tugged entirely out of a movie from the eighties. He was sure he'd started to doze off. "-mbrane?"

"Huh-wha?" Dib jolted, sitting up straight. The student he'd sat next to on the bus shuddered and glared at him in disgust-or more specifically, the trail of drool that was sliding down his wrist.

"Are you Dib Membrane, Sweetie?" The teacher repeated. He nodded and she smiled, "Better get some more sleep tonight. No more parties for you." She was cooing to him like a nanny, making him blush as a few students sniggered. Ms Bitters would've likely just snarled and have gone on with her life. He wasn't sure what he would prefer. The next words out of her mouth made him pay rapt attention.

"...Zim?" A few students murmured as the teacher frowned at her sheet. "Zim, I can't remember where I sat you. I needed to talk to you about your last name. I never saw it on your paperwork."

"Bees," the boy next to Zim sat up as tall as his tiny frame would allow, now ignoring the disgusting drooly mess Dib had neglected to clean. "Zim Bees."

Dib nearly choked on his own tongue. "ZIM!?" How had he not noticed? He stared at the boy who seemed human until just this moment. Dib inwardly swore at himself for not noticing the missing ears or lack of a nose. He'd gotten far too used to these little quirks.

Several students, most of whom had attended school with the rivaled duo, turned and stared. Most of them were chittering and whispering in awe. Finally, Iggins leaned forward and grinned at Zim, "Wow, buddy, what happened to your skin!?"

Zim folded his hands on his desk in a business like manor and glanced towards the annoying student, not even turning his head. "Medications and antibiotics."

His peers seemed to accept this vague answer and responded with more awe and interest before the woman standing at the front of the room cleared her throat, reeling the class back in for the remainder of homeroom.

It wasn't until they were in the hallway, filling their newly appointed lockers with their school supplies that the students felt free to talk out loud again. Dib found his locker on one side of a fire extinguisher, the alien's just on the other, leaving them a few feet of space between each other. It was Dib who broke the heavy silence starting to fill the air between the two rivals.

"Bees?" he looked at Zim in utter amusement, his nose crinkling as he tried not to laugh.

"GIR chose it. His only part in this whole affair. I had to give him something to leave me to my devices." Zim sighed, as if bored, and reached out, tugging a piece of peeling skin from Dib's sunburn only to recoil in disgust. "YOU'RE MOLTING!"

For the first time in three months, Dib let out a loud, hearty laugh.


	4. Gym Class is War

Dib was confused, and Zim found it very amusing. The human gave him strange looks every time they crossed paths as if he couldn't understand what was going on. Finally, when Zim strolled into the gymnasium, dressed clad in the hideous gym uniform right down to the white tennis shoes, he was greeted with an expression other than bafflement. Dib rolled his eyes and grinned at the thigh high black socks and elbow length gloves. Surprisingly, these were the only items that set Zim apart from their classmates now.

Wait. "Something's missing," Dib murmured and stared at Zim curiously. The irken turned towards him as if sensing the attention and glowered before smirking, stretching out his skin and turning his back towards the human. "HEY! Your back thing!" The alien's shirt fit snugly against his false skin, giving no hint of a bulge or bump, leaving Dib's jaw agape. Didn't he need that to live? How did he work past that? Was it an illusion?

As if answering the last question Zim smirked wider and reached back, with a bit of difficulty, patting between his shoulder blades to show there was no hidden pak. "Jealous, Dib-Worm?"

He wasn't sure why he would be jealous, after all, he already had a flat back. This didn't quell his curiosity, however, "...How did you...?"

"You gave Zim a challenge. Zim took it." The currently tanned Irken stretched his arms above his head and grinned as he flexed his fingers. He was clearly proud of his accomplishment and wanted to show off his greatness.

Dib opened his mouth to attempt another way of asking only to be interrupted by a loud whistle. He sighed and sat down as the teacher introduced himself in a near military fashion.

"ALRIGHT, MAGGOTS," the overweight man screamed, making his neck bulge with veins against the fat of his chins, "WELCOME TO THE FIRST YEAR OF HELL! TODAY. WE PLAY DODGE BALL!"

No one seemed quite intimidated at the idea. Most of the freshman hooted and hollered at the idea of one of their favorite childhood games. They'd be versing each other after all. "And to show you worthless sacks of crud exactly how useless you are in this school, I'm going to have the senior varsity division show you what's what!" The fat teacher chucked a ball behind him and stepped out of the way. With the thrown ball in hand, a beefy teenager with stubble smattering his chin stepped forward, several monstrous students following behind him.

"Oh shit," Dib groaned, reflecting the views of most of his classmates. He looked towards Zim who seemed unaffected, per his usual self. This really was going to be hell for the human teen.

"Scared, Worm-Baby?" Zim muttered and looked at him, a challenging grin on his features. "Zim will make a deal with you," his voice nearly sung out in glee at Dib's look of terror at the towering team in front of them. "If you last longer than Zim in this pathetic Earth game, I will show you my achievement," He pat between his shoulder blades again to emphasize what he meant.

He blinked for a moment, trying to register what the alien was saying to him. "What the hell will you get out of the deal if I lose?!"

He made the alien chuckle as he rolled his false eyes, now looking down at his stockings. Zim pulled a pill of thread off the fabric and flicked it away, "Zim will enjoy throwing you into the middle of those filthy meat-beasts." His eyes flicked up towards the sea of grunting hormones that made up the seniors. They were excitedly punching each other and howling as they waited for the game to start.

What? Dib narrowed his eyes behind his thick glasses. Zim had to be up to something. He wanted the boy incapacitated so he could release some nefarious plot against Earth, he was sure. Dib cracked his knuckles. He shouldn't be making a deal with a risk like that, but this was Zim they were talking about. For years Zim often faked illness, sitting out in gym as he gleefully watched their peers being battered by softballs, dodge balls, and the occasional Frisbee. There was no way the alien was in proper shape to play a simple game that Dib was certain he didn't even comprehend. "Fine. You're on. But you have to show me everything about what you did. No hiding shit."

"Fine," Zim agreed dismissively and walked to the center line, picking up one of the colorful, rubber balls. He bounced it in his palm a little and slapped it with his fingers, a smile tugging at his lips at the hollow sound it made.

"READY!" The fat teacher yowled, raising his hand in what seemed to be far too much effort. The students all took their positions, most of Dib's classmates looking a bit more nervous than excited. "GO!"

Dib tore his eyes away from Zim and focused on the task at hand. He shouted and ducked, rolling out of the way when several balls were hurled towards his gargantuan-IT'S NOT THAT BIG!-head. He grabbed a ball from the floor and chucked it blindly across the line while slamming a hand against the linoleum, pulling himself back to his feet. He squeaked and jumped over a classmate as they flew out in front of him, clutching their face in absolute pain. He breathed hard, already feeling a bit worn out after a summer of being cooped up but underneath the sluggishness, he felt his muscles from years of duels and battles starting to fire back into gear.

Dib swallowed hard and held up his ball, blocking one of the colorful globes from slamming him in the face. That was close! He hopped to the side and chucked another ball, wincing in pain as he accidentally pelted Gretchen in the back of the head. She fell over with a whump and a whistle blew as she was tugged to the sidelines, the sign of another fallen teammate.

When what felt like hours, when in reality was only twenty minutes, had passed, Dib looked up from behind a pile of fallen students, panting hard as he clutched a ball. His forehead was drenched with sweat and the muscles that seemed fired up only minutes before were now feeling like tons added to his skinny frame. He scanned his team's side for any sign of another classmate and almost choked on his tongue for the second time that day.

Zim, at his "glorious" (ha) height of 4'11" was throwing himself around like an epileptic squirrel. Dib furrowed his brows together and watched him for a moment before realizing what was happening. That tiny little invader was throwing balls as hard as he could, eyes ablaze with furious confidence. Dib blinked for a moment then remembered their deal. Oh Hell no was he going to be thrown into a pile of seniors! Especially if Zim beat them-not that that would happen-but they'd pound him senseless! Dib ran out with his ball before the coach could disqualify him for hiding and whipped it hard, shouting in excitement as he finally hit his first target.

Zim faltered then looked up, flashing another challenging smirk towards the boy. "Thought you'd given up, Dib-Stink!"

"Never!" He shouted and laughed, running passed Zim to pick up several more missiles, chucking them across the line. He swore he'd heard his rival laugh but had no time to process it. Zim shoved him to the side and leaned back, letting a ball fly between them and smack the wall.

"Watch it, Earthling! I'm not going to lose to a bunch of pathetic stink-meats! Now pick up that ball and throw it, you pathetic whelp!"  
Huh. Zim could've let Dib lose right then and there-but once more, there was no time to think on it! Dib threw himself back into the game as his second wind hit, fueled by the adrenaline and excitement of the game. The enemy of his enemy today was apparently a pack of sweaty eighteen year olds.

Dib and Zim started working harder than before, pulling each other out of the way, throwing each other ammo, and shouting tactics. It was almost distracting when Dib looked to his left and saw his classmates shrieking despite their injuries, shouting in ferver to him and Zim to finish up the damned game. The boys laughed in excitement, eyes wide. They were going to win this! They were-  
Fuck.

The remaining seniors, maybe six in total, each grabbed one ball and reeled back. Before he could shout a warning, balls were being thrown violently towards them, knocking both boys in the face. Dib felt his nose crack and his world spin. The only thoughts he had next were how ridiculous Zim's loud screeching clicks sounded.

"Zim. Stop it," Dib muttered, annoyed. Why was that idiot holding his hand?

"Oh my god, Oh my god..." a soft, small set of hands cupped his own, rubbing and petting quickly over the skin. Dib tried to mumble in confusion when his fingers were rubbed against a soft cheek, hindered only by...metal?

He opened his eyes slowly and blinked as spots worked their way out of his vision. Gretchen was sitting next to him, holding his hand against her cheek, despite the headgear that kept scratching the skin. "oh..." he blushed. A girl was holding his hand...

Gretchen's eyes snapped open and she squeaked, thrusting his hand back onto the blue nursebed. "Hi!"

"Ow..." that was loud. He pushed himself onto his elbows and sat up, almost falling back in dizziness. "The hell happened..." Dib reached around for his glasses. "Did we win?"

A soft, annoyed snore answered him. Zim was sleeping on the second nursebed, his face covered in half healed bruises. Asshole entered his stasis mode...jerk. Dib wished he could heal himself just by sleeping.

"um...Not really. You both lost pretty bad."

"Oh..."

"Zim got his face punched in after he started wailing on the guys who cornered you two. He's been asleep since he came in here." Gretchen sighed and turned to him, reaching up with an icepack. Dib hissed then groaned in relief and steadied it on his face. "You have a broken nose...your glasses survived, at least. They flew off your face at some point." She held them up for his blurred eyes to see.

"...Do you know...who lost first?"

"I think you both did at the same time?" Gretchen supplied, awkwardly.

"Do me a favor? Tell Zim he lost first. It'd mean a lot to me," he spoke without thinking and grinned weakly. The violet haired girl swooned-Dib assumed it was from nodding so quickly.


	5. Playdate

Like many times before, Dib took the familiar route towards Zim's base. The only difference this time was the smug little invader moving in step beside him. Dib awkwardly looked over at the currently golden "skinned" alien and squinted his eyes, trying to figure him out. What was he getting at? Why the hell, after all these years, did he suddenly change?

After several minutes had passed, Zim's false eyes looked into Dib's bruised ones and narrowed dangerously. "WHAT?!" he barked.

Cringing at the sudden sound, Dib cleared his throat. Fuck, his head still hurt. He decided to go for the direct approach, "what are you plotting?"

"Enh?" Zim tilted his hand, looking as though he hadn't been about to rip out Dib's throat.

Dib rolled his eyes, "Don't play stupid, Zim. You're acting suspicious. You showed up after however many years and-well-...you acted like you _belonged_ or something. Not really your usual tactic."

The Irken straightened up and folded his hands behind his back. "Zim is, how you had put it, 'fitting in,' yes? If I am not doing a satisfactory job, you had better assist, Dib-Worm," he accented his name with an inhuman hiss. "We had a deal."

Deal...?

What deal!?

He wouldn't make a deal with Zim if he -"Oh. We do." It hit him suddenly. He and that stupid alien made a pact in the beginning of the summer. True to his word, it seemed like nothing terribly had happened while Dib had been at summer camp. _Weird_. "So you really didn't, y'know, wreck anything this summer?"

Zim gave him a flat look. He wasn't about to admit he completely destroyed his Pak. However, that hardly mattered. The human was about to find out what he'd spent the entire summer working on.

Through their long silences and biting conversation, the two had made quick work of arriving at the base. Dib sighed and looked warily at Zim's "elevator" toilet. "You know. Humans typically use stairs or hidden bookcases or something. A kitchen toilet is pretty suspicious." He received a grunt in response but didn't miss the contemplative look on Zim's face as he studied the toilet.

With a wave of his hand, Zim decided to dismiss the statement, at least temporarily, and pushed Dib to stand in the bowl. He hopped up and stood on the tank, enjoying the moment where he was the taller of the duo. "You going to flush this thing, or what?" Leave it to Dib to interrupt his thoughts.

"Impatient Monkey," Zim mumbled and did as the human complained, sending them into the proper elevator. He stepped out and walked with purpose towards a table filled blue prints and small odd shaped gadgets.

Dib paused by a nearby table with the pieces of the burned and shattered Pak. He grinned and took a moment to pick up the outer shell, turning it over in his hands. "Wow." Zim really did a number on this thing, didn't he? How the hell did he survive blowing up his life support any-"OW. Goddamnit, Zim!" He clutched his hand and rubbed away the soreness, glaring at Zim. The alien glowered right back then turned to the table, gingerly setting the shell back among the wires and fragments.

"Did you want to see Zim's amazing work or no?" Zim acted as if the previous moment hadn't happened and ignored the pile of junk. He turned back to the blue prints and waved his hand, beckoning Dib to look.  
Dib dropped his shoulders and sighed. Whatever; he was still curious. "Yes."

Zim nodded in approval and unzipped his pink hoodie, letting it drop to the floor by his feet. He inwardly disengaged his disguise, and as he pulled his shirt over his head, his wig and skin began to recede into his back. It was like the tanned skin was melting away to be replaced by the pale forest flesh that was distinctly Irken. Dib felt his jaw go slack and was not even remotely aware that he was staring. The alien took the moment his torso was free of cloth and fake flesh to stretch and smooth back his long antennae. A long claw reached from behind his back and set a small case in his hand. With a quick movement of his fingers, Zim had filled the container with his contacts and set it back into the claw, letting it retreat quickly.

He smirked, knowing he had Dib's complete attention. The foolish hyooman always seemed entranced by things outside of the "norm." Zim turned around and showed off his smoothed over back. Fitted carefully between his shoulder blades was something akin to a robotic skin graft. Or...maybe that was exactly what it was, Dib wondered to himself. "How does that work?"

Zim fought his grin and feigned annoyance. "Of course you wouldn't know," he loved showing his superiority-especially to someone as smart as the Dib-Worm. He quickly launched into a long spiel about the mechanics or multidimensional pockets that was connected to each data port and button. His mouth turned up into a wide grin as he used his hands to quickly convey his new methods of collecting solar energy into his pak to reduce his need to rest and eat and how oh so impressive his new invention was compared to the bubble pak that was on his back before.

It seemed like the alien was never going to take a breath when he finally rested his hands on his hips and stood proudly. "Zim calls it a 'Flat-Pak.' It is the first new version in over six hundred years. It's revolutionary. I am wonderful and amazing."

Dib rolled his eyes but smiled, reflecting Zim's positive body language. "What did your Tallest-guys have to say about this? They've got to be impressed."

The tiniest flicker of pain crossed the Irken's face and the human was sure the alien was about to barf or start screaming. He quickly recovered and waved his hand again, "Zim is not ready to share yet. I enjoy being the first to test this new technology." Dib was pretty certain this was a fucking lie...but whatever. It's not like anything really made sense with the male in front of him. Which reminded him.

"Does your species have a gender?"

"What?!" Zim sputtered and crossed his arms, offended. "Of course, stupid!"

Dib winced at the sudden sharp voice. "Well, it's hard to tell!"

Zim huffed harder and a deep blue green covered his cheeks. "IT IS NOT HARD TO TELL!" He reached up and yanked on his own antennae, ignoring the pain as he held it up. "DOES THIS LOOK CURLY TO YOU!?"

Huh. Was that the only difference? "Um...no...not really?"

"Not really?" Zim mumbled a series of angry clicks and ticks that made him sound like an infuriated insect. "Irken female are much more feral. You earthlings should consider yourself lucky Zim is male. I would have torn you limb from limb the moment you stood in my way. Males are far more civilized."

Civilized, huh? Dib grinned and set his hands on his hips. "Well, I'll thank fate for being so kind to me. I wouldn't want to see you if you were uncivilized."

Zim smacked his shoulder and rolled his glossy red eyes. "Stupid Earth-Boy."

Dib grinned even wider, and Zim was sure his face would split. "So, if you're done showing off, maybe you could show me a bit more of your lab?" Zim growled but sighed, shrugging in a seeming indifference.

"If it will keep you quiet, I suppose." The Irken was sure he had an idea of how to pass the time. It wasn't like he could use the company, of course. No. The earthling was just a burden.

It wasn't long before the two were settled in front of one of Zim's large screens. "Okay, so how does this work?" Dib mused, staring at the flat screen in his hands.  
"Surely you have played a video game before, Dib-stupid."

Dib scowled but did his best to tap at the screen, grinning as the buttons seemed to light up, responding to his request. He looked up and started experimenting with the little Dib-fighter that had appeared on the screen, making him move around and jump. "I had no idea you played games."

That earned him another eyeroll and slap to the shoulder. Zim grumbled to him to focus on the damned game and made a show of demonstrating what each and every button did-as though Dib were brain dead. The two held each other's challenging gaze momentarily before just jumping into a battle.

This was nothing compared to the actual battles they had in the past, but it was nonetheless fun. Dib found himself grinning despite his avatar being pounded into the digital dirt by Zim's. "Best two out of three!" He shouted, managing to coerce the alien into not one more round, but three more hours of games before he went home.


	6. Investigation

Dib had no idea this was how he was going to spend his first weekend without homework. He had every intention of hurrying home and spending some time catching up with Gaz, who, would very likely ignore and rebuff every attempt to talk. However, he was sure she would appreciate the new game he'd downloaded. It was important to him to get some time with her every so often, just to ease the guilt of leaving her home alone most afternoons. However, his plans had taken a definite spiral away from his intentions.

Zim walked to his right, an angry expression in his false lenses matched only by the scowl of his lips. He adjusted his grip on the small scanner in his fingers. Last year, had Zim invited himself along on a ghost hunting trip, Dib would have been skeptical; but Zim was spending more and more time with the human. It was almost like he needed the company, but Dib wasn't about to suggest that.

It was the person who flanked his left, armed with a baseball bat and a terrified expression who surprised him. Gretchen let out a shaky breath and looked up at Dib, teeth clenched hard enough to make her headgear look stressed.

Dib sighed again and closed his eyes. He had just shrugged his backpack over his shoulders and was in mid conversation with Zim. They'd been talking about...what was it again? Ah, chemistry class. He'd been shocked that Zim had actually taken notes and was scrutinizing the pathetic manner in which humans attempted to understand the elements. It was almost funny. He'd been about to reply about his own personal studies when a shout of his name down the hallway deterred the both of them.

"DIB! DIB WAIT!" Gretchen sprinted down the hallway, hair bouncing behind her wildly. She threw her arms around his neck, almost knocking him off his feet. Her shoulders were shaking and her breath was erratic. He'd been too stunned to notice the baggy, mismatched clothing that covered her tiny frame.

"Um-Uh-" Dib stammered and looked from side to side before catching Zim's eyes. He grimaced in confusion, asking silently for assistance-of which he'd received none. Zim was curled away from the two, a disgusted and panicked expression fitting his features.

She pulled back when she'd calmed, keeping her hands on his shoulders. "You still do all that ghost stuff right? What's it called...Para-something...Paranormal!" When he barely responded with more than a stiff nod, Gretchen turned to Zim, grabbing him into a hug. "Zim! You both have to help me! The girl's locker room is haunted!"

Zim stiffened and hissed, shoving her off of him. His eyes were wider than Gretchen's now and he looked just as freaked, if not more. "Ugh! What is haunted?" He brushed his hands down his pink sweatshirt, as if cleaning off all of her disgusting germs.

"The girl's locker room!" She repeated, ignoring how offended he was.

Zim grunted in frustration and crossed his arms, looking at Dib. "Ah-No." Dib seemed to snap out of his shocked state and looked between the two, "he wants to know what...I mean, Zim. A haunting is when the spirit of someone or something is active and makes itself known. A spirit," he continued before Zim could open his mind, "is the remnants of someone who died. A phantom or a specter...you know. A ghost."

His false eyebrows furrowed together and left the alien looking very contemplative. He muttered under his breath as though he were reading off a computer screen while a far away look settled on his face. "Ahhhh. That doesn't actually happen, does it?"

Dib rolled his eyes. He was used to skepticism by now, even from his longest known enemy. He would have thought that with all of his space travel, Zim wouldn't question these things...but the alien wasn't always the smartest. What really caught Dib's attention now was the fact that someone recognized his talents! "Wait! You want me to help? Me?!"

The grin on his face left Gretchen feeling a little unsettled, but she shrugged it away. "Well, yea...this is the sort of thing you've been talking about since elementary school. If anyone can help, you can. And, well..." She looked at Zim, "you follow him everywhere, so I thought..."

Dib felt elated. "Really?" Someone had noticed him! The last few weeks had been great at school, even though he and Zim had been creamed by the seniors in dodgeball. It was apparently impressive that they stood up to them. But this? This was something that left him on a whole other level. "I can help! Yes! Sure! We both will!"

Zim shrieked and glared at him, "Hey!"

"See, we know that this will help our reputations," Dib hissed, setting his hand on Zim's shoulder. "You know, normal teenager stuff."

Zim, not realizing how abnormal ghost hunting was at this age, sighed and nodded. This was part of that stupid deal they had renewed. As Dib helped him further with fitting in with the humans, Zim would put off the destruction of Earth, little by little. It was a strange, backwards deal in Dib's mind, but whatever worked was fine with the protector of the planet.

So now, hours later, Zim and Dib were sneaking into the school with Gretchen. Dib had paced back and forth in front of the school gate, looking for a weak spot when Zim shouted, pointing up at the sky. Gretchen shrieked and stared upwards, effectively missing the laser Zim used to open up the locks. He looked up at Dib and smirked, crossing his arms after shoving the gate open. "Let's go."

Dib sighed and shook his head before ducking it and leading the way in. He shoved Zim to the side before the alien could destroy the school doors and moved to his knees. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his junior-eyeball lock picking kit. After several long minutes of Zim tapping his foot and Gretchen looking over her shoulder in a quiet panic, the lock finally clicked, and the three were through the door.

"Keep down," Dib said quietly, wanting to avoid any night janitors as they hurried through the halls. He pushed Zim to the front of their line, "tell me if there are any changes in the electromagnetic fields around the halls. They should spike down the gymnasium hallway if the locker room is really haunted. It could be that the school in general is haunted."

Zim sighed and swatted his hand when he was pushed. "Don't touch Zim," he mumbled and lifted his lightweight scanner, stalking forward. He grumbled about knowing better than Dib on how to scope out an area, "stupid malfunctioning device..." He whacked the scanner and started to walk faster before sliding to a stop.

"School sure is creepy at night," Gretchen murmured from right behind Dib, eyes locked on his bent over rear end. It was great how his trench coat split open at his waist, framing that perfectly shaped bottom in those tight jeans. She breathed out and calmed herself now that she had something to focus on. This didn't seem so scary with Dib in front of her. She squeaked and bumped into that perfect bottom, blushing when she'd realized Dib and Zim had both stopped, now staying at their crouched position.

"Ah...what is it, guys?" She blushed and pulled back, peeking around to look at their faces. Zim crouched close to Dib, showing him the scanner and pointing. Gretchen stifled a giggle at the way the smaller of the two directed his whole body towards Dib, shoulders squared and head nearly touching Dib's chin while he leaned over. The giggle, however, was replaced with quiet jealousy that sobered her amusement.

Zim grunted and pulled a stylus out of the side of the scanner and began making making markings on the screen, snarling quietly as Dib started gesturing. Gretchen scooted closer and cleared her throat, "Guys?"

Dib's eyes snapped up and he swallowed, right. Girl. Talk. Now. Zim elbowed him when the human stayed silent more than thirty seconds. "Ah-we're discussing where the strongest readings are comings from. He thinks it'll be in the west hallway, but the weirdest signal is coming from the southeast."

"There might be a few..." Gretchen worried her lip. "Which one's closer?" She tightened her sweaty palms around the baseball bat.

Zim rolled his eyes at the girl's apprehension and looked at the screen, "Southeast." He sighed and dropped his shoulders. "Come along," he spoke as though this were the most pointless thing he'd ever done. Tucking the stylus back into the scanner, Zim turned around and began skulking down the hallway to the left. He huffed and reached up, rubbing his eyes. Was it these stupid contacts or had it gotten even dimmer in this decrepit building?

"So..." Dib began after they began their slow walk once more. He needed a distraction from his aching thighs, this position was killing him! "You never told us why you think the place is haunted."

She wiped one palm against her jeans and switched hands, doing the same with the second. "All of my clothes went missing after gym class. And ever since last Christmas...with all of that _alien_ business...and that Doctor guy... well, I figured you'd be the one to come to. You were the only one who wasn't in a panic." She, of course, mentioned nothing about Dib's years screaming that Zim was an alien.

"Psht. You sure someone didn't just steal them?" Zim's disdain could be heard despite the fact he was several feet ahead of them. He cringed at the Doctor's name, so he focused instead on the clothing issue.

_"They went missing off of my body_," Gretchen hissed and hugged herself, squeaking when she smacked Dib in the back of the head.

"Ow!" He grabbed his skull. Baseball bats could _hurt_, man.

"SHHHHHHHH" Zim snarled and whirled around, "It'll hear you." Dib swore he could see Zim's angry red eyes through the lenses.

"What will?" Gretchen squeaked again and slurped, sucking up some of the drool that her headgear caused.

With a shudder and a grunt, Zim straightened his back. "These aren't...ghosts...or whatever. They are, however, something similar."

"Similar?" Dib looked over his shoulder at the scanner, "how so?"

"Let's call them...Energy specters? To make it easier. The actual word would be a little hard to articulate at the moment." He drifted his false pupils towards Gretchen, indicating it was a definite alien word. Dib nodded in agreement and stood up, mirroring Zim's movements. He held his hand out and helped Gretchen stand, ignoring the blush that spread over his own cheeks. Gosh, her hands were soft...Focus!

"So...what do energy specters do?" Dib asked slowly, looking at Zim.

"Ah, the usual. Typically, they possess electrical equipment," he drawled slowly, "but...they're usually more-ah-playful? That's the term, right? They cause mischief."

"So...harmless?" Dib tried.

Zim laughed and shook his head, "Ah, puny Dib. They are anything but. They start small, but once they've found somewhere they like-meaning," he pressed his fingertips together, "they've found a food source they enjoy..."

"But there hasn't been anything weird electronically!" Dib exclaimed, cutting him off, "No telltale light flickers, no static..."

"Actually...in the girl's locker room..." Gretchen interjected meekly. "But, do they just eat the energy and steal clothing?" This was all a lot to take in. The hair on the backs of her arms and neck started to rise in fear. She shivered and set the bat down in favor of rubbing her hands over her arms, only making the hair raise even more.

The alien snarled at the two who were talking over him. "Do you want to know or not?!" He snapped then covered his own mouth and made a shushing noise. "They start by eating energy and playing tricks," his serpentine tongue caught on the "s" sound, drawing it out softly, "as they gain confidence and power, they feed off of the activities around them. You see...most intelligent creatures-hyoomans, for example-send off minute electrical pulses. These alter depending upon their own energy levels and moods. Zim's kind hasn't had many issues with these creatures, as we do not have many moods," he added with an air of superiority.

"Wait-your kind?" Gretchen wrinkled her nose and narrowed her eyes.

"Sociopaths," Dib rolled his eyes and fought the urge to smack Zim upside the head. "So...they feed off of the pulses that are put in the air?"

"Until that's not enough to sustain them. Then they take over the forms until they're completely drained of energy. This will continue for as long as it takes to consume an entire species. Occasionally, entire planets."

"Great. Just...fucking great," Dib groaned and began to pace the short width of the hallway, gripping his hair. "How do we deal with them?"

Zim opened his mouth to speak, "Easy. We only have to-" And with a loud ZAP and POP, he slumped forward onto the floor.


	7. ALLONS-Y

**"Functions online."** the flat pak's deep, digitized voice echoed through Zim's aching skull. He felt heavy, like ...no. It felt like something heavy was in his whole body-as though the massive was completely on top of him, right under his skin. His antennae twitched as muffled groans and coughs tried to filter through them.

An unfamiliar voice spoke close to him, but all to far away, "You alright there, mate?" A hand was on his shoulder? No. Don't touch the might Zim, he tried to protest, only to hear annoyingly raspy grunts.

"Jesus, Gretch, you've got a mean swing there! Have you tried out for any sports?" Jerk. Figures Dib didn't seem too worried. It wasn't like Zim was incapacitated or anything! He worked to ball his hands into fists but only felt his fingers twitch. This was starting to get irritating. Irksome even. Zim would have laughed at his hilarious pun if it wasn't for the stupid heavy feeling.

And another thing...

Why was everyone so quiet?! Giggles followed by tsks barely registered in his lekkum making them twitch against some foreign flesh. A hand smelling of disgustingly floral lotion and sweat brushed through his-hair?

AH! The wig. Right. Stupid thing. He was in his disguise, wasn't he... Wait? He didn't switch into sleep mode while in his disguise! He'd gone offline! When did that happen?!

"Shhh, calm down," the unfamiliar voice soothed, easing the hand from Zim's shoulder to his chin, rubbing under the skin slowly. If it hadn't made his whole body fall into more of a stasis, Zim would have shrieked in anger.

Dib's voice rang out with uncertainty, "Should...you, uh, be touching him like that?"

"Nonsense, Zim's very tactile. Touch calms him down-or rather-it _should_...Wait. Dib?"  
"Yea?"

"Have," the voice halted hesitantly, "have we met before?"

"Yea...um...No."

Zim felt the hands calming him back into an unwanted slumber. "Oh."

The scanner Zim had been clutching zipped close and rolled across the floor, bumping Dib's foot. Confused, he lifted the small cylinder and looked it over. What he had thought were buttons were actually little sensors. Touching one yielded the small screen to reappear, giving Dib several options. He laughed softly and tapped the screen, lighting up brighter than the surface when a grid appeared. "Cool," he mumbled and watched as a quickly beeping light registered in the center of the grid. Huh.

Gretchen's screeches brought Dib out of his Junior-Eyeball musings. (He'd stuff the scanner in his pocket and show the swollen eyeball network later). He swore and snapped his head around so quickly he could swear he got whiplash. Ow. -And "Oh." Zim was on the floor, slumped against the filthy tiles. His sweatshirt was ripped- no - charred open in the back. It looked like his shirt was burned away too, leaving the crackling noise unhindered as the fabric crumbled to the floor.

"ZIM!"

On reflex, Dib threw his arm out, "WAIT," accidentally clotheslining Gretchen. She landed back on the floor, smacking her head. The wires to her headgear stuck out in funny angles from her mouth.

"Shit," he grimaced and pulled her into a sitting position. "Wait here." He swallowed hard. If that had hurt her, he promised Zim silently that he would pound the hell out of him. It was his fault for making him fighter-ready; years of battling could do that, stupid alien! He crept forward and knelt down. Huh. That was weird...the air surrounding Zim felt electrified- literally. The specters must have hit him. According to Zim, though, they shouldn't have bothered him...

Dib's fingers ghosted over the surface of Zim's back and caused another **ZZZZAAAPPOP!** He flew back with a scream, hitting a locker. Damn! He was really sure he had whiplash, now!

Spider legs ripped through the remaining fabric of Zim's shirt, edges of claws brushed against Dib's jacket, tearing the bottom. Yea, he was definitely going to pound Zim. He clenched his figst and his muscles tightened in preparation to fight.

"Dib! What's going on?!" Gretchen's dizzy, but panicked voice snapped him out of a coming rage. Shit! Gretchen! She was moving to her feet, using the baseball bat as a makeshift cane. Her voice heaved in fear, becoming louder and alarmingly faster with every passing moment. Dib needed to get her out of here.

"Gretchen-RUN!" He whipped around and grabbed her arm, rushing toward the hallway doors. He shoved his own hand against a locker to propel them forward. "Don't look back, just fucking run!" He pushed through the doors and ran hard, turning a corner and grunting when he slammed into a hard surface.

"Whoa, there!" the obstacle shouted, throwing steady arms around Dib's shoulders to hold him up. Gretchen bumped into Dib's back, scraping his neck with her abused headgear.

Everything stood still for a moment. Dib was surrounded by the smell of tea, bananas, and fair food. Three heartbeats rang in his ears-though he was sure one of them was his own-and he couldn't help but nuzzle into is a little. It was like time itself had taken a break as those firm hands moved to his shoulders and _yanked_ him back into the real world.

"Sorry, tend to have that affect on people!" The man laughed a little, "Now then, we were running, weren't we? I believe you're going the wrong way though."

"Nope!" Dib quickly fanned himself free of blush and grabbed Gretchen's wrist again, "This way!" His hand found its way to the strange man's wrist as well and he tugged them both towards the cafeteria. If nothing else, maybe he could attack Zim with the disgusting food. It might scare him off, even while he was possibly possessed.

"Wait, Wait, we should be running towards him!" The man complained, but followed anyway. He could have easily ripped out of Dib's grip, but may as well humor the boy, right?

Gretchen was more than thankful when they finally stopped, hiding in the cool, smelly kitchen. She braced herself against the wall and slid to the floor, leaning on her bat as she fought for breath.

"Who are-"

"Shhhhhh" the man cut Gretchen off and peeked out of the doorway.

"esssstssssss..."

Gretchen squeaked a little and gripped tighter on the bat. She leaned towards Dib, "is that Zim?"

Dib swallowed hard and strained to listen. "p...please...!" Low, dreadful sobbing echoed through the cafeteria. "T...taaaa...ssssstsssssss"

"I thought these creatures were supposed to be fun..." Gretchen all but whimpered into Dib's ear. "Mischievous...but...he sounds like he's..."

Zim's sobs echoed louder, making Dib's stomach churn. This was disturbing.

The man looked at the teenagers and frowned. "They use the strongest emotion they can find. In most creatures, it's joy... Dib, what did you do to him? He's not usually like this."

"What?! Me!?" Dib shouted and almost choked when a firm hand clamped over his mouth. Seconds ticked by as the sounds of metal claws clicked towards the door.

Gretchen fought the fearful tears in her eyes as the door slooowly edged open. Zim, hanging limply from his spider legs, stared with wide, tear filled eyes at the floor. Drool dribbled from his lips as low sobs tickled the air. He lifted his head slightly and his eyes searched the room, landing on the girl. "R...Red...P..purple. Tallesssst..."

"This is not good..." the man muttered, "Gretchen...come here...slowly..."

"M...Me?" Gretchen glanced between Zim and the mysterious gentleman.

"P...Purple!" he reached out weakly, his hand wiggling just slightly in her direction. He seemed to flinch when she lifted the bat and began to sob with a terrifyingly blank expression.

She dropped the bat and lifted her hands defensively. "Purple. Right...I have purple hair...do you remember me?" She reached out to touch his arm, "It's me, Gretchen."

Zim screeched in desperation, "TALLESTS RECONSIDER!"

"AHSHITSHISHIT!" Dib tackled her to the ground, tucking her into his chest while they rolled along the linoleum. He curled around her to shield her from seeing the laser that attacked the area she had just stood.

"Oh Good! His reaction time is slowed down!" The man grinned and reached through his-was he wearing a fucking suit jacket?!  
Wait. Dib frowned and stared at the man in disbelief. He was wearing a brown pinstripe suit...and high toppers. What? Who the hell was this guy!? He pushed himself off of Gretchen quickly and stood, "Gretch! Get out of here!" He wanted to pull his hair out, she was frozen on the floor!

Her thoughts all rang out in excitement. Dib had touched her. He had even protected her. Oh wow. Oh wowwee wow wow. She giggled giddily into her sleeve and fought the urge to kick her feet and wiggle on the floor in excitement! She peeked up to look at Dib-hoping to admire her protector-and gasped in fear.

Zim snarled angrily, staring at the empty space and turning to Dib as the man started shouting, "Oi! Dib! Can you keep him occupied for about three minutes?-Aha, there you are!" He pulled out a ...flashlight? Or...was it a screwdriver? Maybe a probe?-Whatever. Regardless of what it was, he'd perchd a pair of glasses on his nose and started fiddling with tiny buttons on the object's side.

Great. Gretchen was frozen for whatever reason and he had to deal with a nutcase. "FINE." Dib lunged out and punched at one of Zim's spiderlegs. OW! "MOTHERFUCKINGDAMNITSHITSHITSHITCUNTBITCHTITTIES" He waved his hand around in pain, "Damnit, Space boy! Can't we go one month without you causing me bodily harm!? Just one?!-Shit-" Zim definitely noticed his attempt at least. He lunged for the boy, giving him just enough time to cover his face.

"HAH!" With a loud yawp, Gretchen slammed her bat into Zim's head, knocking him to the floor. "DON'T TOUCH HIM!" She turned the bat and smashed it into the side of his face, making sure he was knocked out for the count.


End file.
